The Pointed Finger of Accusation

Before beginning this article, let me introduce it by way of words of wisdom from others; let these temper your mind and prepare you to take in what will follow.

We are far more liable to catch the vices than the virtues of our associates.
Denis Diderot

Arguing with a fool proves there are two.
Doris M. Smith

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few;
and let those be well-tried before you give them your confidence.
George Washington

Look to be treated by others
as you have treated others.
Publius Syrus

This week’s Shabbat readings includes the Torah portion when we are told that Abraham is tricked (deceived) into giving his traditional blessing to his youngest son instead of the eldest.  Abraham feels great shame; is devastated by this error of his ways.  Even though he was tricked by another into doing something that he would not have done of his own accord, we hear that he feels great shame in what he has done.  He is grieved and feels terrible; shaken with the devastation of the wrong he has done.  The Rabbis derive a lesson from this and suggest that one of the things to be learned is how to approach someone who has made a mistake – whether it be willingly or unwillingly.  The lesson can be aligned with the saying that, “You catch more bees with honey….”.  Here is what was said in the article:

When a person’s error is brought to his attention, it causes him great pain and embarrassment.  Therefore, when pointing out an error to a person, it’s always important to try one’s best to be sensitive.  Instead of starting off with, “You’re wrong”, try “I think that this is the correct way…” or “I think you might have made an error…”  When you take the calmer, more sensitive approach, you’ll more than likely find better results.

You may have realized by now, that if I choose a topic to write on, it is usually because it is something that I am supposed to see and learn.  This topic is no different and I admit to taking great joy in discovering and pointing out the errors of another, especially in circumstances where that person may have crossed me in some way; perhaps argued and differed in an opinion.  Instead of taking the suggested gentler approach (note, the affirmation that we are not supposed to let it slide, to ignore it), I am quick to point the accusatory finger of blame.  In doing so, I put the other person on the defensive; it’s like backing a caged animal into a corner – you know that they are going to strike back to get away, to be freed from your angry attack.

Rather than attacking another by gleefully airing his/her dirty laundry; his only too humanly fallible errors (let he who has not sinned [missed the mark, made a mistake] cast the first stone – point the first finger) there is always a better way of approach, of communication and consultation.

I leave you with one other message, something I heard a former pastor say about this business of pointing the finger of accusation towards another.

Take a look at your hand when you are physically pointing that accusatory finger towards another.  You will see that there is one finger that is directed towards that other person, three fingers pointing back at yourself and your thumb is pointed upwards, towards the heavenlies….as though saying to YHWH, “Boy, you sure blew it when you created that person!”  First deal with the three fingers of accusation pointed back towards yourself; and then, and only then when you have righted all your own flaws and character defects (that is you become perfect – which we all know will never happen) can you continue with the inventory of another and fixing them!

There is a Scripture that tells us that before we point at the splinter in our brother’s eye, let us first remove the plank from our own!

May this be food for thought – for you and I – as we enter into another Sabbath (rest).